“It felt like my life has come to an end’, said Leeza George, a UAE mum who found herself struggling to get out of bed each morning, losing interest in the things she once enjoyed, and almost stopping eating altogether.
When her son Aditya left their home to study Medicine at the University of Sheffield in England, Leeza started experiencing ’empty nest syndrome’.
Empty nest syndrome (ENS) is not a clinical diagnosis or a formal mental health condition like anxiety, experts said. Rather, it is a common and natural experience for many parents, particularly mothers, who need time to adapt to their new phase of life.
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Transitions such as children leaving their homes to pursue their education can be particularly challenging for parents, especially mothers. For Leeza, the challenge was was compounded by the fact that Aditya was her only child.
Feeling lost and uncertain
“I felt lost and uncertain about my purpose. It’s as though my life has come to an end now that my child is grown up and has left. It was depressing. I felt so empty and missing him was overwhelming.”
The chartered accountant recalled spending hours lying in bed, refusing to get up and interact with anyone. “Now that I’m feeling much better, I realise I should have considered therapy, as I was deeply depressed and demotivated,” the Indian expat shared. “Whenever I would think of my son, I’d get too sad and start crying. So I watched endless, mindless TV shows to pass the time and avoid thinking about him,” added Leeza who took almost two years to completely bounce back to life.
Upon seeing the change in Leeza’s demeanour, one of her friends also recommended joining a social circle that would give her space to share about her feelings and thoughts with like-minded people. “I know that those groups would have been great outlets but I didn’t join any as I was already busy with work.” She also added that parents who have recently become empty nesters should definitely use this time to explore new hobbies and pursue what they’ve always wanted to do.
Stark daily routines
Similarly, Sajida Al Bashir, has experienced the same syndromes as Leeza’s. “I can still remember the day I dropped my boys off at the airport. They were leaving for Canada for college. As soon as we got home, the house just didn’t feel the same. It felt empty,” the Palestinian expat recalled. “I told my husband how much I miss their perfume lingering in the house, their arguments, and all the lively noise they used to bring.”
Sajida’s two sons, Amjad, who is currently studying medicine in Vancouver, and Ahmed who recently graduated with from the University of Brunswick, both left the house the same year, just a few days apart.
She recalled how the changes in her daily routine suddenly became stark. “I started missing the conversations and laughter we shared in the car while going to school together. We used to come home from school and have lunch together, but all that changed, and my schedule also shifted. Those regular activities became precious moments,” said the former teacher that is currently pursuing her PhD.
‘It felt like my world had returned’
Although Sajida acknowledges that it becomes somewhat easier over time, she admitted that after one and a half years, when her son returned to Dubai for the first time during their vacation, she couldn’t sleep the night before in anticipation.
“My heart raced and tears welled up when I saw them. It felt like my world had returned as I watched them sleep peacefully in their room. Sometimes, I would quietly open their door just to reassure myself that they were really home. To a mother, her child is always a child, no matter how grown up or bearded he becomes. To me, they are still my children, the same ones who used to accompany me to school every morning,” said the mother of four.
Coping with ENS
Shedding light on the empty nest syndrome (ENS) medics said that while ENS is not a clinical diagnosis or a formal mental health condition like anxiety, it is a common and natural experience for parents.
“Encouraging open communication within the family, maintaining a positive outlook, and seeking support when needed can all contribute to a smoother transition,” said Dr Nada Omer Mohamed Elbashir, consultant psychiatrist at Burjeel Hospital, Abu Dhabi.
She added, “Seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor can be beneficial for mothers experiencing significant distress or difficulty coping with empty nest syndrome. Therapy can provide a safe space for mothers to express their feelings, develop coping strategies, and work through the challenges of this life transition.”
Doctors advised parents should prepare themselves to go through this upcoming stage of life well in advance.
Dr Shaju George, a psychiatrist at International Modern Hospital Dubai, said, “They need to learn to prioritize themselves without feeling guilty. People can do this by finding and indulging in new hobbies or doing things that they are passionate about. They can try and make new friends, try to find solace in spiritual things, and must stay connected to friends and family members.”