Dear Parents,
Once upon a time, as children, we genuinely believed that having chubby cheeks would make us the teacher’s pet and if someone pinched our cheeks and called us ‘baby doll’ it made us feel happy. Not any longer. Now calling a child or youngster “chubby” can be demeaning to them, for even an eight-year-old knows all about body-shaming and the importance of having to look slim in order to be anybody’s favourite now. There is a hint of slander hiding in every word, and now more than ever before, even we, as parents, need to be mindful about what we tell our children. They are sensitive; they are aware; their concepts of self-worth are skewed, their identity is built around likeability and thanks to social media, likeability is directly linked to external attributes.
While the outside world with which they interact has a huge role to play in the way they perceive themselves, I wonder if we too make our own inadvertent contributions towards how our children feel about themselves. A ten-year-old I knew a couple of years ago confessed to me that her mother never let her eat pizza or burger because it would make her fat. ‘So what if you grow fat?” “I would be ugly.” ‘Who said you’d be ugly if you are fat?” “Everyone. No one likes fat people.”
It was the most disconcerting answer I could have expected from a little girl who should have been given lessons in acquiring self-confidence and developing a value-based personality rather than be made acutely aware of the scrutiny and judgement of a prejudiced world. So, what could have been a better way to deter the girl from eating fast food? Telling her that they are good to eat once in a while, but when had in excess they affect our health in the long run.
Often, the comments are made in haste or without much deliberation, but anything that we say leaves a deep impact on our children, and we must be mindful of what we say with regard to their appearance and physical attributes. I know mothers who fret about their daughter’s adolescent acne and pimple problems. Even in jest let us not make remarks about our children’s appearance: Remarks like, ‘no, this dress doesn’t look good on you or you are too thin to wear this or too fat to carry it off’.
None of the comments might be made with the intention to hurt the child, but they are certainly made based on our own preconceived notions about how important colour of the skin, shape of the body and weight are in a world that has no time to look at the beauty beneath the skin.
Of course, there are serious weight-related issues that must be addressed, but let’s do it in a way that will encourage healthy eating habits rather than pointing at the effect it has on their physical appearance. The stress must be more on what’s good for the body internally than setting external parameters that provoke warped judgement, and give rise to severe complexes.
Utmost care must be taken about what we speak in front of them even with regard to others. Let there be no conversation in the house that centres around people’s physical looks. Our children are exposed to a lot more negative influences outside than we would like, and the only way we can neutralise it is by promoting a body-positive environment in the family that inspires them to eat healthy, exercise regularly and maintain a lifestyle that will invite no health issues. Help them accept their bodies as they are given by nature and not to tamper with it to please the public. If not, eating disorders will be the next big thing our children will be fighting. Until next, happy parenting.