Halsey recently revealed that she suffered a miscarriage during a performance at the age of 20.
In a recent interview reported by The Hollywood Reporter, the singer opened up about the physical and emotional toll of the incident.
Reflecting on the event, Halsey, who now uses they and she pronouns, described the situation as particularly distressing.
“I was in a really tough position because it was really early on in my career, and there was a lot attached to the show,” they explained.
“There was a corporate partner, there was a greater media entity partner, but more importantly than that to me, there were a thousand kids who waited all day long to get into this show and see me,” Halsey added.
Despite the severe discomfort, Halsey continued with the performance, opting to wear an adult diaper to manage the situation.
The show lasted approximately 45 minutes, after which they experienced further distress.
“I ended up throwing up in the parking lot and then went to a hotel,” Halsey recounted adding, “I was sick all night. I remember sitting in the bathtub because I just didn’t know what to do with all the blood. Forgive me for being so graphic.”
The emotional aftermath of the miscarriage was equally challenging for Halsey. At the time, they grappled with complex feelings of relief, confusion, guilt, and grief.
“I remember thinking to myself, ‘I’m 20 years old. I should be able to carry a baby,'” they said adding, “I didn’t want to be pregnant. I was way involved in my career. So, I had a lot of complex feelings of relief, but also confusion, but also guilt, and also grief.”
According to The Hollywood Reporter, Halsey had earlier revealed that they had experienced three miscarriages before the age of 24.
Halsey has been open about their struggles with endometriosis, lupus, T-cell disorder, and infertility.
During the interview they expressed a strong desire for more children, reflecting on their positive experience with pregnancy and the challenges they faced due to their health conditions.
“I want more babies really badly,” they said adding, “I had such a pleasant experience being pregnant with my son, and he’s the light of my life.”
The singer acknowledged feeling guilt over not being able to be the “best mom in the world,” but has worked through these feelings.
“I realised that that unnecessary guilt was making me worse,” Halsey shared adding, “The thing I told myself is… I was grieving the fact that I couldn’t be the best mom in the world because I wanted to be the best mom in the world and history.”